At the crossroads

Lately I have often been wandering in this so called ”I don’t know” state. It’s a limbo where nothing really affects you positively or negatively - where you don’t want this or that. Another analogy would be to call it a world between matrix and reality. Around year ago I exchanged some thoughts with one guy who was supposedly “enlightened”. He told me that I was in the halfway of the “circle” and nowadays I understand what he meant.

Making choices in limbo is very difficult because what normally drives us to do decisions, desire, is not there in its normal power. We always make decisions based on what we want – when do we make choices without that driving “I want” motivation? It’s interesting to notice that people usually value person who knows what he/she wants – it’s considered somehow “mature”. And to me it seems that normally this definition only points to a person who is blindly satisfying own ego. On the other hand I am also aware that one should accept the selfishness factor and just be very attentive about it.

In the past I had a strong belief. Like I have written earlier, beliefs are tools which are used to get strength, to feel secure and so on. That belief of mine was like a big sun, which radiated tremendous energy and made me think I knew exactly everything about certain things. Now that the sun is gone, I am standing at the crossroads. Paths are spreading to different directions but I’m just standing there with hands in my pockets.

To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.
~Kofi Annan

Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as you choose.
~Richard Bach

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
~Kahlil Gibran