Subject #8: On relationship (friends)

Friendship. Some years ago I was having email discussion with a friend about definition of true friendship. Back then we agreed that such friendship is the one without any expectations. So often friends start expecting things from each other and then become disappointed when expectations don’t realise. When both sides have expectations about each other, the whole thing becomes symbiotic - ”as long as we both get something from this, we’re friends”. Expectations are the bane in all kind of relationships. There’s usually great denial when this formula is presented to people but if one really looks at objectively – that’s how most friendships work and that’s why people make friends in the first place.

Also in that discussion we concluded that while people like to ”have” friends for various reasons, selfishness was always there. This friend of mine believed though that in addition to selfishness perhaps there was some mystical element, feeling, beyond any analysis that formed true friendship. My response to that was that one could always create such mystical & special feeling into friendship if one wanted to and that perhaps we do it subconsciously in some friendships.

It should be noted that while the selfish reasons are there, they’re not negative in any way as long as one is aware of them. To be aware of one’s egoism – that’s a blessing. And what comes to expectations, it’s really not hard at all to stop expecting things from friends. Once the formula is truly realized, expecting vanishes. Much tougher case is expectations in romantic relationship but that’s a subject for later.

This quote from unknown author is my favourite friendship quote:

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.

And another one from Richard Bach whose books impressed the young dreamer a lot:

Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.